9 days to go...

I hope everybody experienced a special moment on this Valentines Day!

Most of the people I met today said that they did not have a Valentine’s date. And neither did I. But when I dropped by in a mall on the way home, it was full of couples holding hands and looking sweetly at each other. I was touched.

My day was good. I was productive, and the day passed in a generally positive spirit. I felt more in charge of my work, and my choices. It was only yesterday that I felt uncomfortable about impending changes regarding my work. Negative emotions were evident and clung to me.

Today I sensed opportunity to create new spaces in which I can develop my talents in the coming years. And I could laugh and smile. Life is so much better when there is laughter. Everything assumes more healthy proportions, and self-made problems fade away.

Now I’m down to single digits in my countdown of days until I turn 50. I wondered today if I have peeled off enough layers of my persona to understand myself better? And if I have decluttered enough to make space for new life after 50? Have I drawn any conclusions from this journey of 83 days? Should I?

I expect to find some answers in the coming days. Writing daily for this blog has been a welcome challenge. There hasn’t been a day that I didn’t want to write. Many days I seemed to run out of time, but still squeezed in moments to write at the end of the day, often until after midnight. Several days I had no clue what to write, but I wrote anyway, and I found that inspiration would come as I wrote.

How do I feel now? Not so special, but lucky all the same. I have lots to be content about. I was listening to the soothing jazzy voice of Astrud Gilberto, and have just changed to a chillout album of bar classics. Most of all, I realize that I am happy about nothing, just happy, and relaxed.

I am excited about my upcoming week-long trip to Bali. I wish to make it a good life break. That means I have to discover myself more and experience change. Probably some unexpected things will come my way, and not all of them comfortable. Because, as I realized yesterday, problems are helpful to prod me me out of my comfort zone.

I am ready…

Photograph: Sensual, display at Settha Palace Hotel lobby, Vientiane.