10 days to go...

Only ten days are left till I leave behind the “4” in my age and enter into new life opportunities of my own making.

Today I had a sense of accomplishments starting to unravel. As I observed myself in this experience, I noted that I was deeply concerned about some things in my work, an area of life where I usually have few troubles.

It wasn’t so easy to detach from this experience. It was still with me when I left my office, picked up my daughter from skating, and drove home. It reminded me how powerful and clinging such negative energy can be, and how self-reproductive.

Now I left it behind and I am at “Zero”. That is one of my favorite places because it offers me total freedom without feeling locked into any particular emotion or direction.

No longer do I resist a low mood when I feel down. I have come to understand that “lows” are a natural part of my life. They offer an interesting change of view and an opportunity to leave something behind. Each time there is a lesson to learn.

Reflecting back on today, it was an interesting collage of positive and less positive parts. I enjoyed the positive parts, and yet I also realized that when something positive happens to me, it rarely leads me to change something in my life.

When, on the other hand, I experience a problematic situation or a negative emotion, I found that there are two things I can do. The common reaction is to resist it. This doesn’t lead to anything useful, as resistance creates fear and immobility.

Alternatively, I can see it as an opportunity for change, and wonder what the situation or emotion is trying to tell me about adapting my attitude or expecations.

From a bigger perspective, as I go through this passage to rebirth at 50, several changes and opportunities are becoming evident to me, and I have been writing about these in the past months.

Today’s lesson was that I can change my circumstances at work for the better this year. To do so, I will need to be awake to see what old patterns have outlived their usefulness. I am still figuring out the changes, but I can say that my “low” today helped me to be more open so that I can see the situation better tomorrow.

Photograph: As the plane starts its descent, this could be sunset or dawn.