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The morning flowed smoothly, and I had an enjoyable Indonesian lunch of gado-gado with lontong and chicken sate. I reminded myself of my new year’s resolution to eat better.
When we finished the lunch, rain was pouring down. A young boy “rented” an umbrella to me to help me make it from the restaurant to the taxi stand. Human ingenuity has no boundaries.
I also met a jovial Australian environmentalist, aged 64, who runs a resort for nature lovers in central Java. His youngest child is one and a half years old. He shared his experience that he now gets stressed over things that didn’t bother him in his 50s.
My work today saw good progress, with teamwork adding quality. It rained most of the day, and now there is lightning and thunder, late at night. I miss going for a walk.
The search for a nice place to stay in Ubud, Bali during my upcoming life break has narrowed to a few resorts. I know that the right one will emerge somehow.
Every day brings surprises. Some pass unnoticed, some cause me wonder, and others are so big that they demand immediate attention. I reached out to a friend in distress today, with an open and positive mind. I’m not sure, though, if it came across as I had intended it to.
I need to sleep longer. In the past week, I have stayed up too late. I want to feel more fresh and rested in the morning. Having good energy at the start of the day is such a great feeling.
My journey continues, and I find that there is only one place to live, that is in the now.
Photograph: Remarkable advertisement at lunch.
Full, focused, and forward...
The first month of the new year is already complete. Time really flies. I am still planning what to do this year, or rather, what to finish. And of course I am completing my journey to 50 with only 23 days left to go until I step out in my new half century.
As I reflected today, I realized how the strength of my commitment has grown over the past two months. I have learned so much about myself and about life. I’ve got a better awareness now to move into my next phase. Three words came to mind for my rebirth at 50: full, focused, and forward.
I feel lucky to have discovered so much of value. And to see so many nice people around me. Now I have a stronger wish to contribute whatever I can to help myself and others to grow, care, and share.
Tomorrow I will call some hotels in Bali to find a nice place to stay during my one-week life break next month. And I’ll find out what, if anything, is calling me from there.
Photograph: Bali spirit seems to be inviting me.
The days pass quickly. Only 24 days to go until I turn 50.
Here in Jakarta where I am visiting, each day has been intense from morning to night. Work and friendship. I feel lucky.
Today my work was about introducing the concept of diagnostic analysis to three organizations, to improve their abilities and performance. I devoted all my energy to it during the day, and worked together with my colleagues.
It was wonderful to hear that people experienced it like a paradigm shift, and to see many people interested and making steps to adopt it.
I’ve been thinking a lot of about change myself, and that’s what this blog is about. I always thought that change was the result of reflection, awareness, and decision-making.
This evening, however, I realized that change follows from taking action. Lots of thinking can lead up to change, but actual change is produced by action.
Gaining a better attitude starts with adopting better behaviors, and behavior is triggered by taking action. I found out that taking action allows me to try out a new attitude until it becomes mine.
Photograph: Intensity, by Osho Zen Tarot.
Today was all about friendship. Working and chatting with my friend from Australia was enjoyable and full of insights. He also demonstrated what it means to think on your feet. Be open, and it can come. In fact, I reflected today on the great spaces inside and around me. I have an open mind now. No expectation, just keep writing.
I also met another friend, who shared a problematic situation with me from his private life. I was touched by his trust, and by his courage to step out and help others. And I realized that living a good life requires courage to choose, share, and pursue passion well outside the familiar and approved paths. My friend showed me such courage.
Tomorrow will bring more interesting experience, and I look forward to it. I stay positive, even though I also have my low movements, like most people. Now it’s my time to sleep. It’s nice to feel sleepy at the end of a busy day.
Photograph: Space in Vientiane
“Create no more pain in the present”, advised Eckart Tolle’s in his now famous book The Power of Now. Yet I noticed that, for most of the time, my mind is still focused on the past and the future in stead of the Now. I particularly like the slogan above. I can at least try to avoid adding any pain or hurt. And with effort and some luck, I can make a positive contribution.
I started the day going to a coffee shop with an outside verandah, expecting that it would be quiet and peaceful, just perfect to start a nice Sunday. It wasn’t. A large group of cyclists and roller bladers descended on the restaurant at the end of their runs. It was interesting to see how people who had just spent so much energy, were able to talk so much and have lots of fund and laughter. They were joined later by a group of Harley Davidson enthusiasts showing off their machines. By that time I went off in search of a quieter coffee shop and a Tazo Zen green tea.
The rest of my day went smoothly and I enjoyed it very much. I had lots of activity and also reflection on life and living. And a good friend from Australia arrived to work together on an assignment this week. He has been a source of inspiration to me for years, and I am always happy to see him. So I am content.
It’s now 00:30 on Tuesday and I’m having difficulty keeping my eyes open, so it’s time to call it a day.
Photograph: Decorations outside Senayan City mall, Jakarta
I learned three important lessons today.
1. Realize when it is time to change
Change is constantly happening, but I don’t always notice it. Sometimes I need to make change in my works, to let go of some tasks to make space for new responsibilities, but I am reluctant to change. This is because I enjoy doing the same things. In such cases the Universe can “hit” me to send me a message to pay attention. Yesterday’s discussion on my performance evaluation in 2006 was such a message, I thought today.
2. Grow whole but keep separating work and personal life
Rebirth at 50 is a time of self-individuation and growing whole, Jung advised. I agree and I feel an urge to connect more things than before. However, just like flowing ink can create a mess on absorbing paper, it’s best to keep some things in life separate from each other,like the work and personal arenas. They are already connected through ourselves, and there is no need to invest in more connections.
3. Returning to Zero helps achieve 1 and 2
The Zen method of returning to Zero is powerful and useful. Zero is not positive or negative, but in between. It’s the space from which I can grow in several directions. Zero is always at hand, it’s like wiping the whiteboard clean.
Photograph: Beautiful lines, but time to make some changes.
It’s late, already past midnight. I am tired and have to get up early for my overseas trip. But I am determined to write, and as I do, I feel better already. I also remind myself to smile, and that boosts my spirit further.
I spent most of the day with government colleagues, led by a charismatic leader full of drive. It was remarkable to witness such a bundle of focused energy, and I could sense how it gave people a powerful framework and direction for their work.
That is when it struck me how much responsibility such leaders carry on their shoulders. If they guide their staff in the right direction, much good can be achieved. On the other hand, if they are misguided in some respects, their staff will also follow, and the good work built up by their predecessors over years, even decades, could be undone in a short time. I reflected that power has to be used wisely, after careful consideration.
In a different way this also applies to the use of my own capabilities. I learned this week from the annual assessment of my performance over the past year that I had let my work spread out too wide. As a result, my achievements were not obvious to my supervisor in the same way as they were to me. In fact, last year featured many crowning achievements of my work over the past six or more years. I could see that bigger picture clearly, but my supervisor could not appreciate it in the same way. I learned my lesson that I will need to be more careful this year and limit myself to tasks I am sure I could accomplish well for all to see. And keep smiling.
Today’s page of my daily Zen calendar quotes Yogi Berra saying “It gets late early out there”. Frankly, I have no idea what he meant. Perhaps he was advising not to waste time in life and get on with my calling as soon as I can. If that was the intention, I agree with him. I am determined, with a smile.
Photograph: A spiral of power (19th floor, Intercontinental Hotel, Bangkok).
The morning flowed smoothly, and I had an enjoyable Indonesian lunch of gado-gado with lontong and chicken sate. I reminded myself of my new year’s resolution to eat better.
