47 days to go...

Writing in the evening is different from the morning. I am not sure which one I prefer. The morning brings freshness and energy to my writing.

The evening is more emotional, influenced by the moon I suppose. There is also as sense of time pressure to get the post finished before it becomes very late.

On balance, I would choose the morning, except when a topic needs more depth and feeling, which comes easier at night.

It’s 22:50 as I write this, and I value both the time to write, and to get to bed before midnight. My youngest daughter concurs with the latter, advising me forcefully in the past weeks that sleeping late carries the risk of meeting witches.

Back to the afternoon, when I was concentrated on my research work, for long hours at a stretch. So it’s only now that I tore off yesterday’s Zen page-a-day calendar sheet to reveal today’s quotation. It’s a poem by Buson, reading:

Snow-break also
Can be heard –
This dark night

In fact, tonight is dark, or at least it felt that way to me as I took a leisurely walk through the village to recharge. My energy was quite depleted. Dinner didn’t help. The walk didn’t bring me new energy either, but it was nice all the same.

Now that I’m writing again, I feel better. A glass of Pearly Bay red wine from West Cape region in South Africa, with a few slices of old Dutch cheese, soothe me further.

Managing one’s energy and health is important. What can we do without them? I realized today that I tend to forget taking breaks from work when I am very concentrated.

For tomorrow, I changed my schedule to start earlier and include several breaks with a bit of stretching to go with them.

Photograph: Light behind the hills, Microsoft sample picture. I never paid attention to them before.

48 days to go...

After the alarm went this morning, I missed getting up early. I stayed in bed half-awake for a couple of hours pondering various things. Comfortable for sure, but when I finally got up I realized that these hours had not yielded anything useful. The mind was mostly reflecting on the past, and switched to psychological time. I was happy to get back to real time, to the now.

The day went by peacefully. After exercise and errands around the house, my productivity only rose in mid afternoon when I got back to my research. Surprisingly this started while sitting in the back of the car, where I found that I could think clearly, and later over a soy cappuccino in Starbucks. Once the pump was primed, I could continue the flow back at my desk. I made good progress, focusing on the conceptual framework of the research and on planning of the data collection.

In between activities, I also put my success journey ideas of the past days into a mind map. It’s such a nice tool, I’m happy I downloaded the program. I made two maps so far.

To help me onward my life journey at 50, I asked three good friends a few days ago what they thought my strengths were that I could put to more use at 50. Two replied already, and I gave me valuable insights and advice. As another good friend mentioned, honest feedback can work like a mirror. We see things that we otherwise could not.

My youngest daughter decided on her own initiative to make a collage today, after doing her first one on Christmas day. I was happy that she caught the creative spirit. And my oldest daughter explored how to replace a DVD player that didn’t work. She realized she couldn’t rely on asking her Dad forever. Way to go.

All together a gentle day, with good progress and some nice things happening!

Photograph: Going with the Flow, from Osho's Zen Tarot

49 days to go...

Today I focused intensely on eating my largest frog.

The frog is an article I am writing as part of my research on leadership in water governance. I made good progress today, because I pushed everything else off my table - I did not allow any other priority on my list.

And it worked. My mind was totally focused. I even had to drag myself away from my table to eat lunch and play saxophone for a while to give myself a break.

What then, I wondered this evening, if I applied such intensity to mapping my success journey? To identify where I would like to go most of all? To identify my passion…

Hmm, I have a few passions, not just one. Ok, let’s be generous to myself and let me keep more than one passion. So what would be my hottest passion?

I thought about it, and played around with words and sentences on my screen. And I found that what was at the top of my list was to help people move forward with their life.

Is that really for me? I haven’t done much of that yet. Looking at my blog posts, they have been full of introspection, of nurturing my inner world, focusing on my first arena of success, to be true to myself.

Then I realized that I really needed to help myself before I could hope to help anyone else. It’s like the oxygen bag instruction in the airplane. Help yourself, then the others. Let your own cup overflow first.

When I was growing up, there was a heavy focus on Jesus Christ’s teaching to love your neighbor as yourself. It became like second nature to think that way. Except that everyone’s attention was somehow only on the first part.

Years later, I realized that I missed the essence of what Jesus had said. He meant that you have to learn to love yourself first! Then I noticed that many people have a problem loving themselves, including me.

But on New Year’s day, I gave myself good marks for success in my inner arena. Now I can move on with confidence to my arena of growing to develop my potential. I will figure out more about my journey to realize my top passion. What it takes to do it well.

Oh yes, and I will also follow my muse for the other three passions on my list: to develop into a good water governance adviser, writer, and musician.

Eating a frog will now be part of my daily menu.

Photographs: (top) Eat that Frog, by Brian Tracy – 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time; (center) eating my frog; (bottom) my espresso art.

50 days to go to 50...

I started the count-down at 83 days. Now there are 50 days to go until I turn 50. I am enjoying the experience.

Yesterday I explored what success means, and how I intend to pursue success in three arenas. The arena of being true to myself. The arena of growing to develop my potential. And the arena of caring and sharing with others.

A good friend asked me to continue my blog after this “limited edition” finishes on 23 February. Another friend had finished reading my blog and found it good, and would like some advice once in a while.

I started this blog to help myself on my journey to 50 and beyond. And it’s nice to see connections develop as I journey on. That is actually the theme of my first blog, Dao and Wine, which is an invitation to join me in celebrating life, where Dao is the big picture, beyond words, full of dots… and red Wine helps us see the connections, makes our dots communicate.

Dao and Wine is a bit neglected these days as I focus most attention on this Reborn at 50 blog.

Now that I have described what success means to me, I’m reflecting on the road to get there. Is there such a thing as getting there? Yes and no. I need a clear sense of direction and purpose in all three arenas of success. For some, there could be targets, especially in the second arena of developing potential.

To fulfill any purpose however, I can only take action in the present time, in the now. Thinking a lot about what to do in the future doesn’t get me there. Like the saying goes, a long trip starts with a single step. And as Maxwell said, “success is something that you are right now, not something you vaguely hope one day to be.”

In the days to come, I will work out in more detail what purposes and direction I see for me in my three arenas, and where there are targets. For now, I realize that success is, in Maxwell’s words, “a journey rather than a destination.” I see my journey as an existential experience, lived day to day, every five minutes, every moment.

On the other hand, a journey to accomplish a target needs some planning and preparation. So, like with many important things in life, I find that there are two sides the coin I call journey.

What is important for both, however, is having the right attitude. Three years ago, I put in my first life journey collage to "expect the unexpected". I found out later that it is good to adopt a beginner’s mind attitude to whatever part of the journey I am in.

Photograph: Fiction@love art exhibition at Singapore’s art museum, June 2006.

51 days to go...

Yesterday ended last night.

My MontBlanc cartridge ended this morning, again.

But so what? I had a great start of the day, and will take my Parker out of storage today.

I enjoyed more than 10 years of uninterrupted writing pleasure with my red and black Meisterstück pens, which are beautiful writing instruments. Such a pity that MontBlanc now sells cartridges that stop flowing after a short while (this was the 5th in a row for me with the same problem). And I was surprised they didn’t reply to my feedback on their website.

The art of writing is, of course, in the writer rather than in the instrument, which is what MontBlanc used to claim earlier. In their latest ad the company claims to be Soulmakers for 100 years! Well, I love nice pens but my soul can live just fine without MontBlanc :-)

In my count-down to turning 50, I am reviewing where I am going. With flexibility, and keeping my options open.

Success is important to me, because I want to move forward in the time that is left for me. But what is success, and what is it to me?

To get some ideas from others, I asked five people yesterday for their definition of success. Three replied.

The first response, almost instantaneous (thank you!) was from a writer and artist: “When you get what you want, when you meet your goal.”

I liked this definition for its orientation on achieving one’s purpose. It implies that you know what you want, what your goal is.

The second reply came from my phone company’s client relationship manager: “Being happy with what you have, who you are, who you’re with, and that you’re almost worry-free in the future. At this point, I still have to earn that kind of success.”

This definition pointed me to success being like a journey. Happiness in the present time is key, and it is connected with people around us. And we need to make an effort to realize our aspirations for the future.

The third reply was from a retired friend: "For me success means to achieve your target, to accomplish the stated purpose."

Once again, this definition underlined the need for a target, for knowing one's purpose. If you don't know where you're going, how can you know if you achieve it?

I reflected on all of these and my own thoughts, and I decided that for me, success seems to have three arenas.

The first is the inner arena. It is about being true to myself, to live in the now, from inside out, about laughing a lot, like a Zorba the Buddha who appreciates both the spiritual and the mundane planes and lives fully in both. It is about the ability to be happy in any moment, without dependence on others or any particular reason. It goes to the root of knowing my purpose for being in this life, and being happy about it. Maintaining good health and energy are part of experiencing success in this arena.

The second arena of success has to do with fulfilling my potential. It’s about growing, about passion, about ability. These come with effort and training. Even if I would believe that I can do anything, I certainly cannot do everything! So selection, concentration, focus, commitment, and sacrifice come into play. Sacrifice is important, because to develop one or more talents I need to let go of other pursuits. Otherwise my passion will be diluted, and the flame won’t be hot enough to create the necessary alchemy for transforming my talents into results.

The third arena of success is about caring and sharing good things with others. It’s about being connected in the Universe, and to be a conduit for its positive energy and creativity. Success here can mean to sow some seeds that can help others to grow. John Maxwell referred to this dimension of success by saying “we make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give”. This resonates with me. As I turn 50, I definitely would like to spend more time in this third arena of success.

I realize that these three arenas of success are connected. That’s where growing up becomes growing whole. I think I have done pretty well in the first arena of success in the past years. I have a good foundation there. Now the second and third arenas are “calling” out for more attention. Not necessarily the way I did it in the past. That’s my journey these days, and today.

Photograph: What direction to go? Blogging from the Long Bar in Cathay Pacific's lounge in Hong Kong airport

52 days to go...

Yesterday was good. Today is new.

“The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”

(Zen saying, from Zen – Surprising Sayings, Parables, Koans, and Haiku, 2007 Page A Day Calendar by David Schiller, see webpage at www.pageaday.com)

After a few weeks of staying up late and cocooning well into the morning, I changed my schedule today. I got up before six, exercised and swam at dawn, and watched the morning clouds reflect the sunrise. I felt the magic of that moment, as I drank an espresso and experienced the bitter, sour, complex, rich, colorful taste and texture of the coffee.

I had entered a new phase of my life.

Then I realized that the past year 2006 helped me reflect, turning inward. I enjoyed that journey tremendously. I learned to be happy without reason. Not to blame anyone or anything for how I felt. To move forward positively, whatever the circumstances. To enjoy every moment. I went through a multiversity of experiences, most of it internal. And I graduated. Now that I looked back on the year, I gave myself good marks for accomplishing all of that. It ended yesterday.

Today I started my new endeavor, characterized by action.

I decided that I had cocooned enough. A new Me has reformed and is ready to stretch its legs. I could feel that clearly this morning, with an awareness that was unexpected.

So the new year 2007 will herald more action on my part. I am ready for it now. The Universe will help me on the way. I have learned to listen.

Photograph: Morning magic

53 days to go...

Impermanence is real, in case I had forgotten!

The message came through clear but not loud. Rather, its opposite, through deafening silence when I least expected it.

My trusted PDA phone stopped making noises. Its speaker had died overnight with the incoming new year. When people called me this morning, I couldn’t hear anything, and they couldn’t hear me either because the mic had died too. Silence was the result.

Fortunately, the passing away of my PDA turned out to be a gradual event, as the sound and mic still worked through the handsfree set. I decided it was a clear New Year’s signal to buy a new PDA phone. Since I can still use the old phone with handsfree, I have a few days respite to do so and find a suitable model. How nice!

I used my PDA phone for just about everything but frying eggs, so it’s really important to me to get a replacement soon. I didn’t use it just to stay in touch with friends by calling, texting, and chatting, but also to plan daily what to do; watch photographs and film clips, manage money, write creative notes, make drawings, listen to music, etcetera.

Consequently, changing phones is something I dread, much like changing my computer. What about all the programs, the backing up, the reinstalling, etc. So what better time to be reminded than on New Year? I will “just do it”.

I basically did three things today. I started the day with more decluttering, which was good and not too tedious.

Then I checked out financial management software. Today it was the turn of Intuit’s Quicken (I reviewed MS Money yesterday). I found that both programs can do more or less the same, and I decided on MS Money because I liked the layout and graphical interface better. Now I am all set up to start managing my money this year, which is one of my two new-year resolutions.

I also got going on my other resolution, which was to eat better. So I took up cooking dinner, politely declined the help offered from my staff, and turned out a wok-fried mélange of broccoli, black mushrooms, tempeh, with assorted seasoning. It tasted good, and it also stimulated me to cook more and better.

An interesting day, a real new start in several ways, and I made it happen.

Photographs: Silent PDA phone, and new-year’s vegetarian wok dish