Sunday, February 25, 2007

Blog is complete!












My Reborn at 50 blog is complete!

I continue blogging in Dao and Wine ...

I made an insightful journey of 83 days to prepare for my rebirth, as reflected in 83 blog posts. The last week was spent in Ubud, Bali, where I celebrated my 50th birthday yesterday. It was an unforgettable visit.

From now onwards, I will
revitalize my Dao and Wine blog that has been set aside while I was writing Reborn at 50.













Photographs: Saxman reborn (top); a change of shoes - the old pair completed its service, and the new pair bought in Ubud (bottom).

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Ending the countdown...

Reborn at 50
on 23 February 2007
His name is Wouter, he is in good health and doing fine, and he smiles a lot!


The day came at last...
I passed months of reflection and enjoyed my birthday tremendously. After my journey of 83 days I feel wiser and better equipped to enter this new phase of life.

Depending on one’s choice, turning 50 can mean a lot or a little. I decided months ago to make it a big event for me. Seeing my turning 50 as an opportunity for “rebirth”, I took time to review who I am, and everything I do. During my journey, I found many answers and also opportunities for change to live forward.

I feel an immense gratitude to my parents and to all who have supported, advised, and loved me in my first 50 years. Without their kindness and support, I would not be where I am now.

Today, the principal image I had of my journey was a door. I found that the door to a new and richer life at 50 has opened for me, and I am walking through it.

My birthday was relaxed and calm, that is, until I had a chance to jam with a band this evening. Before that, I visited a museum of archeology of Bali and Eastern Indonesia, saw the Moon of Pejeng, the largest bronze kettle drum of Southeast Asia, dating back to 400 years BC, and enjoyed a birthday dinner organized by the hotel, complete with birthday cake and candles, and rosé wine produced in Bali.

Music shifted my gears in the evening when I listened to guitarist virtuoso Balawan playing with his band at the Opera Café, and he invited me to jam with them. He asked what I wanted to play on my sax, and in what key, and we agreed to improvise on his favorite Balinese ethnic jazz fusion style. I felt super alive when playing with him.

Afterwards we chatted about being a musician, and how his life as a musical artist changed after signing a contract with Sony last year. While many more people came to know and love his music, and the sales of his CD albums increased dramatically, much of his work is now also pirated and available on MP3 in sidewalk stalls, which doesn’t bring him any income.

And as he spoke, I was reminded of Poleng, the pattern of the Balinese checkered cloth of black and white squares, signifying right and wrong. While these two qualities seem to coexist interwoven side by side, the Balinese people have demonstrated through countless ages that harmony between people, the environment, and the spiritual world can be attained through daily practice in an ever changing world.

I received several phone calls and many text messages during the day and evening, and I thank all my well-wishers for having me in their thoughts. I am now happily 50 and ready to share more of the magic of life with my ever-expanding community of family and friends.

The new angles for growth I discovered on my journey to rebirth at 50 will help me Live Forward, and I will continue daily reflections on that even as the countdown in this blog has come to an end.


Photographs: Cutting the birthday cake (top), my Balinese door to rebirth at 50 (middle), and jamming to Balinese ethnic jazz fusion (bottom).

Friday, February 23, 2007

1 day to go...

On the last day of my 49th year, I had a full program, making a tour of real estate around Ubud during daytime, and visiting a temple in the evening.

The tour was interesting. I explored six pieces of land that the real estate agent thought would interest me, out of the 200 plus in his portfolio. All sites we visited were in a radius of 20-30 min travel time from Ubud. Most were rice field plots for conversion to residential land. One plot stood out from the others, being an unused sloping patch of land overlooking a picturesque river valley at 20 minutes drive from Ubud.

Ramon, the agent, is a 60-year old Australian German who decided long ago that there is more to the world than Germany. After sojourns in the Caribbean, central America, and 20 years in Australia, he landed in Bali at age 56. Turning 50 is nothing, he emphasized, explaining that life has so much more to offer after that age, as he was experiencing every day.

I visited Samuan Tiga Pura this evening. The largest temple in this part of Bali is unique in its devotion to a single supreme being, a fusion of all gods. Yesterday, Kusia Gallery owner Marjaya had asked Agung, one of his friends, to accompany me and make the preparations (appointment with the priest, bringing flowers and incense). In Bali these things are done with a community spirit and Agung had taken his cousin along to help.

Gusti Mangku Ageng, the priest, chanted rites and gave blessings to the mini congregation. He explained that 50 is regarded in Bali as a golden age, and suggested that I could expect more luck and wealth in the years to come. He then humored me that he was my senior by only 7 years, yet that he looked much older.

The clock has now passed midnight, and my birthday has begun! I will take a good rest now and rise up early to enjoy a great day.

Photographs: Land overlooking a forested valley with rice terraces in the background (top); with Gusti Mangku Ageng the priest, center, and Agung, right, in Samuan Tiga Pura temple (bottom).

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

2 days to go...

Discovering "I Am"

I started the day calmly alive. After several days in Ubud, I found that I am slowing to the pace of life in this place. Actually, though, people do things here at many speeds. Among the fast movers are the motorcycles, gamelan players, and dancers. Many other activities move at a leisurely pace.

When given a smile, Balinese people readily return a bigger one. They live in a cosmos where everyone is connected to the others, and that includes the foreigners who come to explore and enjoy Bali. No wonder it is such a popular place for visitors.

After breakfast, I met Kusia Gallery’s owner Marjaya, whom I had first met one and a half year ago during my previous visit. After I told him of my interest to explore real estate, he showed me his steeply sloping land where he is building a house.

We had lunch together in Ubud’s famous Dirty Duck Restaurant, and Marjaya kindly helped to arrange a visit to a temple tomorrow, on the eve of my birthday. After lunch he helped me buy clothes for that occasion, a combination of colored and white sarongs and a Balinese headdress.

More talk about real estate followed as I visited the local real estate agency and had a long discussion about the pros and cons of buying and leasing land and houses around Ubud. I made an appointment to visit some properties tomorrow for a better look.

On return, I found myself stuck in a traffic jam on Ubud’s narrow streets, and decided to park the car and have a cappuccino at a roadside coffeeshop. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have noticed the shop that sells artisanal wrapping paper, a perfect fit for the presents I had bought yesterday.

The past 81 days of my journey to rebirth at 50 have not been about searching for life’s truths. Rather, it has been a non-search. I have focused on opening up and peeling off identity labels collected over the past five decades. Some of these labels I had stuck on myself, and others were put there by other people.

My spiritual roadmap tells me that when I become aware of these labels, my self-identification with them will fade, and space is created for the real me to manifest itself more. Not “I am this or that”, but simply “I am”. After my morning stretches by the plunge pool of my villa, I found that my openness is growing, and with it the space for the real Me. I know now that nobody can give me what I already have.

I look forward to enjoying myself in the next days as well. I will attune myself to Ubud’s rhythms. When things move fast, I will go fast too, but avoid rushing. And when things are moving slow, I will be leisurely, without succumbing to lethargy. In each rhythm, I intend to be deliberate in my actions and choices, in each moment.

Photograph: Serenity in Komaneka Tanggayuda Resort (top), and Building New Villas in Paradise (bottom).

3 days to go...

I woke up early enough today to see the sunrise!

For most of the day, I relaxed in the resort, exercised, swam, played sax, and read. Later in the day I took the car and toured around Ubud. I looked for a real estate office, which was closed by the time I found it. The idea was to get some information about the market for land and houses. Hopefully I can find out tomorrow.

Along the way I enjoyed a delicious cappucino, visited a bookshop and silver shop, and finished the day with a light meal of carpaccio in one of Ubud’s fusion restaurants. I am interested to get in touch with some local people and foreigners who live and work here in Ubud. Hopefully I could get some contacts tomorrow.

I am happy with the day. I reflected on Eckart Tolle’s advice in The New Earth not to link my identity with anything I own, do, or think. I remembered that I wrote about this in the first post of this countdown, when I started to peel off the layers around my true identity, the true Me.

The fresh air and sun have done me good, and I feel sleepy. Time to catch a good rest.

Photograph: Dawn (top), and carpaccio in Ubud (below).

Monday, February 19, 2007

4 days to go...

Duality is okay

I wondered this morning about experiencing happiness and sadness at the same time. Is that a good thing? Or does it mean there’s something in me waiting to be dealt with, to be resolved?

I got up quite early and had a workout on my secluded terrace, followed by meditation on the daybed in the gazebo, and a dip in the plunge pool. I unpacked my sax, and wondered if any Balinese tunes could come out. I can stretch myself to make it happen.

Surya, the hotel manager, came to see me at breakfast and lent me his favorite book by Gede Prama, Dari Keindahan Untuk Kesuksesan (The Art of Success Mastery). Another stretch, to improve my bahasa Indonesia!

Gede writes about moving onward from a life controlled by the mind, symbolized by the yin-yang circle, to wisdom in everyday life, symbolized by the yin-yang circle without its dual colors, and finally coming to surrender, shown as a simple circle without contents. Duality seems to fade as this metamorphosis progresses.

From Surya’s earlier description of Gede Prama as a writer on spirituality, my mind had created an association of a serious older man. My mind had tricked me again. He actually looks like a laughing happy man in the picture, age below 50 I would say. Surya said he also leads a herbal medicine company. That’s interesting to me, to lead a company and be a spiritual leader at the same time. A duality?

David Niven writes in The Best Half of Life that transitions can be both happy and sad, particularly during major life changes. I can see that. There is simultaneous “leaving” and “entering.” I am experiencing that, for sure.

Mysteries of duality have puzzled people the world over. Quranic verse 51:49 describes the nature of all created things, and the English translation reads "And all things have We created in pairs in order that you may reflect on it." No life flow without duality, it seems to suggest.

The yin-yang principle points out a similar wisdom, that there is no energy flow without polarity, like between day and night, male and female, good and bad, hot and cold, strong and soft, etc. While the mind seeks resolution, like in “you are right, or I am right, but we can’t both be right”, life actually doesn’t work that way.

A google search brings up further interpretations of duality:
> The condition of one thing having two sides, parts, or faces.

> The perspective that the universe is essentially an arrangement of binary oppositions, such as spirit and body, good and evil, male and female, creator and created, etc. Ultimately it implies the very presupposition behind subject-object consciousness, ie, that the objective world is experienced through the subjective perception of it as things, objects and ideas that are separate, "out there" and thus distinguished from the perceiver.

> The mistaken perception separating the perceiver and the world, self and other, this and that.

> The separation of two opposites and places those characteristics into two God forms. For example, good and evil, as characterized by the Christian God and Devil.

> Pairs of interconnected opposites, neither of which can exist without the other (ie, beauty-ugliness, positive-negative, male-female, etc.); one of the mechanisms by which the totality of manifestation operates; when the ego becomes involved, duality becomes dualism.

What I learn from my reflection is that duality is part of the Universe as I see it around me. Observing duality brings more understanding, it stretches my limited awareness. It also challenges my mind which always works to produce simplistic and linear versions of reality. Experiencing duality seems healthy from that perspective.

However, I don’t like to be dualistic in my actions. I would like to be clear and focused in everything I do, and also in what I do not do. Not wishy-washy, neither being here or there.

I will learn more about duality in the days to come. For today, I conclude that each moment allows me to be in that moment totally with whatever emotion I am experiencing at that time, without duality. The next moment can be different, and that’s okay. Do, dedicate, and let go…


Photograph: Duality of fruits on the palm in the compound of my villa (top), and morning light (bottom).

5 days to go...

The Power of Bali ...

I started the day refreshed, and with a fabulous view on lush vegetation and rice fields on the other side of the narrow valley of the Oos river. Nature and art are never far away when I’m in Bali, and especially here in Ubud.

I arrived late last night in the dark, and this morning I felt that I needed to move. So I shifted to the cottage (here called villa) next to mine, which felt more “fit” to me. It was so luminous, as if a generous spirit was there to welcome me.

The room boy asked me what I did, and I told him I am becoming a writer. This seemed entirely normal to him, and he referred to his brother who’s work as a painter is sold in galleries in Singapore.

It was the first time that a stranger acknowledged my statement to be a writer. And if he wondered why a writer would stay in his resort, he made no mention of it. Being an artist in Ubud is considered normal.

I wrote in longhand in my journal while waiting for breakfast to be served in the open-air restaurant, and it felt so good! I even felt the beautiful wooden table to be alive.

My villa is full of frangipani and bougainvillea flowers put there by the staff. Their fragrance is present. Each villa has its own little altar affixed to its outside wall where staff makes offerings every day with a flower and incense.

I rented a car for the week, and my expedition started with the search for super glue to fix my fave sandals. Each sandle decided to come loose at the same point this morning.

Then torture started. I joined the fun run to raise money for saving Orang Utans in Sumatera. A small crowd gathered on Ubud’s football field, and off we went on a 5 km run through Ubud and then up and down through the verdant ricefields surrounding the town.

I quickly realized the true status of my physical condition, and I panted myself along, through the exquisite scenery, occasionally meeting Balinese farmers carrying their produce or rice stalks on bicycles on the narrow path. Now I can attest that my body is “open” for whatever further experiences this week.

The fun run was followed by chats with equally satisfied runners over bottles of water and a glass of beer offered on my forthcoming birthday. I decided this morning to be open and observant today, and I met several people with an interesting story.

Kees, a lean truck driver from Holland who spends six months on the roads of Europe and the other six with his family in Ubud. He looked very fit and came in second in the run.

Peggy and Dick, a couple from Canada who turned 50 last year, and who buy handicraft from Ubud and other locations in Asia to sell it during a world bazar in Canada lasting just a few weeks each year. She does the buying, and he manages the finances. Interestingly, as he was about to turn 50, he left a career as financial manager of high-tech electronics companies in Canada. He’s now looking for new business opportunities, and is happy to work as a husband and wife team importing handicrafts in the meantime.

Rucina, a dancer from the US living in Bali for a long time, who was kind enough to put me in touch with the organizers of the fun run by email on where to buy the tickets. She emceed a performance after the run to raise money for the orang utans in Sumatera.

I also met lots of Balinese dogs while running, and to my surprise not a single one barked or yapped, as would be the standard in the other places in Asia I ran, including in Thailand and the Philippines. They appeared calm.

My outing ended, or so I thought, with listening to live music in Ubud’s Jazz Café, featuring Madama and his Planet Bamboo band. He told me during the break that although he hails from Yogyakarta in central Java, he has lived in Bali for the past 20 years. His music was an example of the fusion of cultures going on here. Although there were some classical motives, it was evolutionary in form and delivery.

Since I had no dinner, I stopped at Casa Luna for cappuccino and apple crumble on the way back to my hotel in Payangan, 15 minutes driving from central Ubud. When I returned to the hotel, the manager Surya greeted me warmly. Standing next to a yoni-lingam statue in the hotel garden lit by torches, we talked about spiritual development, the world beyond form and how that world expresses itself in Bali, and what it meant to each of us personally to be spiritually alive.

Sipping a delicious Grand Cru Saint Emilion which I brought from Manila to treat myself, I reflect on Surya’s words tonight that the power of Bali lies in its harmony between the gods, people and nature. From personal experiences, he knew about the powers in the unseen world, and it had convinced him about the need to live in harmony. I knew deep inside that he was right.

The final word of the day was the wishing card laid out on the bed. It quoted Robert Louis Stevenson in saying: “A Friend is a present you give yourself.” By being open today, I made new friends.

Photographs: Bath tub in my villa (top), the start of the Fun Run to save Sumatran Orang Utans (second, before I started panting), a child Orang Utan on stage in the show (third), and Ganesha in Casa Luna (bottom).

Sunday, February 18, 2007

6 days to go...

Several relatives and friends sent me good wishes for my trip.

I decided to take Eckart Tolle’s A New Earth with me. It seems appropriate to the purpose of my journey. And I already have some new ideas bubbling up for my next steps ahead.

That was this morning…. I arrived in Ubud around 11 at night, for the first time in the dark. Enjoyed nice flights on Singapore Airlines from Manila to Singapore and Singapore to Denpasar. Watched two interesting movies: The Good Year with Russell Crowe, set in the Provence, and an Italian movie The Days of Abandonment (Giorni dell’abbandano), set in Torino.

And I read the first chapters of Tolle’s book. It jibes with what I learned from other sources during the past year. I look forward to reading it more.

So what did I learn today? For most of the day, I was just relaxing on the journey. No specific lesson. But I was touched by Tolle’s message. He wrote about the beauty of flowers, that they call us to appreciate deeper consciousness, awakening. Normally we are preoccupied with form and matter. Because flowers are so delicate, they remind us of the world that has no form, they beckon us to see that world. Tolle wrote that “when you are alert and contemplate a flower, crystal, or bird without naming it mentally, it becomes a window for you into the formless.”

Well, a large heart of flowers was waiting for me on the bed tonight. The smell was delicate. I felt welcome.

Photograph: A floral welcome in Ubud.

Friday, February 16, 2007

7 days to go...

The capital of cool, Buenos Aires, is the destination of a friend who’s going on a trip around the world when he retires from work next month. It’s a long way from Manila, and I asked him to take back lots of pictures and stories.

I don’t know yet what kind of capital Ubud is, the Balinese town where I am going tomorrow for a week-long life break and rebirth at 50.


Sure, I know it is home to scores of artists, musicians, dancers, writers, gurus, art entrepreneurs, hoteliers and restaurateurs. And it attracts a stream of visitors all year around. But what makes it tick and move?

My Hindu friend said that he felt at home right away when he visited Bali for the first time, which became the first of many times. He has since associated himself with the island by sponsoring a school there.

Another friend has bought a piece of hill-top land there, overlooking land and sea, and hopes to make it his home after retirement. His partner also bought a piece of land, so they have a choice of where to get settled.

When Jawaharlal Nehru came to Bali he called it the Morning of the World. Countless other visitors from foreign shores have also been impressed. Some have adopted it as their home, since way back in the first half of the last century.

Bali wasn't always as peaceful as it appears nowadays. In the first decade of the twentieth century, its rivers ran red with blood when the proud Balinese fought the invaders who had already conquered the other islands of the archipelago.


Not that this was a first. The picturesque rivers had run red many times earlier during centuries of conflict when potentates from Bali and Java battled each other for hegemony of the island or a part of it.

Sukarno, the first President of Indonesia, was half Balinese, and was deeply enchanted with its art, culture, and people. When I met Balinese people among colleagues from Indonesia, they stood out in a way that is still difficult for me to describe.

So what I am going to Bali for? What does it hold in store for me? I am not so interested in its beaches, surf, shops, and nightlife. Art interests me a lot, and creativity itself even more. I hope to learn more from the island and its people, and about those who have come from other countries to make it their home.

One thing I am sure about, that my journey will involve my body, soul, and spirit. It's a place where their links become more obvious. I will start with exercise – there is a fun run in Ubud on Sunday to help save orang utans in Sumatera. Soul and spirit exercises will no doubt follow.

Photograph: Bali, by Symon (www.symonbali.com)

8 days to go...

Less stress, more fun!

I realized this evening that an important part of growing older is how to reduce unnecessary stress. So where can I do that?

Driving. The time spent driving to and from work is stressful, especially in the evening. However I am not living far from my work, and while driving can be stressful due to heavy traffic and buses creating choke points, it’s something I cannot avoid to do.

Taking work home. I rarely do that nowadays.

Too much work. Always that risk, and I can keep prioritizing ruthlessly.

Work place stress. I can reduce this further by managing myself better.

Financial problems. Better planning and organization will help me.

Personal Relationships. I can be more independent and take life easier.

Children. I can worry less and focus on positive quality time with them.

Physical. I can look after my health better with good practices and circulation.

Pollution. Not much I can do as I live in a polluted city. Selecting good food and drinks will help.

Sleep. I can get more sleep by going to sleep earlier.

Well, that clarifies something. But probably the list is not complete yet. I will be more mindful about this. Reducing stress is creating space for more fun and happiness.

Photograph: Serene painting by Tran Thi Tuyen, Hanoi, Viet Nam.

(Written yesterday when Blogger didn't work)


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

9 days to go...

I hope everybody experienced a special moment on this Valentines Day!

Most of the people I met today said that they did not have a Valentine’s date. And neither did I. But when I dropped by in a mall on the way home, it was full of couples holding hands and looking sweetly at each other. I was touched.

My day was good. I was productive, and the day passed in a generally positive spirit. I felt more in charge of my work, and my choices. It was only yesterday that I felt uncomfortable about impending changes regarding my work. Negative emotions were evident and clung to me.

Today I sensed opportunity to create new spaces in which I can develop my talents in the coming years. And I could laugh and smile. Life is so much better when there is laughter. Everything assumes more healthy proportions, and self-made problems fade away.

Now I’m down to single digits in my countdown of days until I turn 50. I wondered today if I have peeled off enough layers of my persona to understand myself better? And if I have decluttered enough to make space for new life after 50? Have I drawn any conclusions from this journey of 83 days? Should I?

I expect to find some answers in the coming days. Writing daily for this blog has been a welcome challenge. There hasn’t been a day that I didn’t want to write. Many days I seemed to run out of time, but still squeezed in moments to write at the end of the day, often until after midnight. Several days I had no clue what to write, but I wrote anyway, and I found that inspiration would come as I wrote.

How do I feel now? Not so special, but lucky all the same. I have lots to be content about. I was listening to the soothing jazzy voice of Astrud Gilberto, and have just changed to a chillout album of bar classics. Most of all, I realize that I am happy about nothing, just happy, and relaxed.

I am excited about my upcoming week-long trip to Bali. I wish to make it a good life break. That means I have to discover myself more and experience change. Probably some unexpected things will come my way, and not all of them comfortable. Because, as I realized yesterday, problems are helpful to prod me me out of my comfort zone.


I am ready…

Photograph: Sensual, display at Settha Palace Hotel lobby, Vientiane.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

10 days to go...

Only ten days are left till I leave behind the “4” in my age and enter into new life opportunities of my own making.

Today I had a sense of accomplishments starting to unravel. As I observed myself in this experience, I noted that I was deeply concerned about some things in my work, an area of life where I usually have few troubles.

It wasn’t so easy to detach from this experience. It was still with me when I left my office, picked up my daughter from skating, and drove home. It reminded me how powerful and clinging such negative energy can be, and how self-reproductive.

Now I left it behind and I am at “Zero”. That is one of my favorite places because it offers me total freedom without feeling locked into any particular emotion or direction.

No longer do I resist a low mood when I feel down. I have come to understand that “lows” are a natural part of my life. They offer an interesting change of view and an opportunity to leave something behind. Each time there is a lesson to learn.

Reflecting back on today, it was an interesting collage of positive and less positive parts. I enjoyed the positive parts, and yet I also realized that when something positive happens to me, it rarely leads me to change something in my life.

When, on the other hand, I experience a problematic situation or a negative emotion, I found that there are two things I can do. The common reaction is to resist it. This doesn’t lead to anything useful, as resistance creates fear and immobility.

Alternatively, I can see it as an opportunity for change, and wonder what the situation or emotion is trying to tell me about adapting my attitude or expecations.

From a bigger perspective, as I go through this passage to rebirth at 50, several changes and opportunities are becoming evident to me, and I have been writing about these in the past months.

Today’s lesson was that I can change my circumstances at work for the better this year. To do so, I will need to be awake to see what old patterns have outlived their usefulness. I am still figuring out the changes, but I can say that my “low” today helped me to be more open so that I can see the situation better tomorrow.

Photograph: As the plane starts its descent, this could be sunset or dawn.

Monday, February 12, 2007

11 days to go...

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
— President Abraham Lincoln

The bearded man was right. And I cannot imagine how I could face myself at the end of a life that was not well lived. How sad it would be to think of all the opportunities that weren’t used.

To be sure, a good many things in my life are not in my control, or so it seems to me. But I know that my life is in my control, because it’s my attitude and my choices that count.

That’s how my three arenas of success have become important to me. The inner arena of being true to myself, the arena of growing to develop my potential, and the arena of caring and sharing.

At this time of day, I feel drawn to my inner arena, to the solutions that lie within.
And as I write this, I listen to one of my favorite singers, Anggun, singing about this in her song Look Into Yourself. She says it so well…


Look Into Yourself


Tired of letting go all that i've tried to have
I'm tired of wasting time looking up to the wrong stars
I do believe in life and that everything is written
But life is not a book with pages wide-opened

Don't search too far, my mother says
Sometimes all that you need is only a step away

Look into yourself
The one and only
Look into yourself
If you want to find the key
Look into yourself
Release your heart free
Look into yourself
And be the master of your destiny

Don't be afraid of wanting changes in your life
Don't be afraid to go to wherever you decide
Believe in yourself and believe in what you can do
And no one can deny the will that lies in you

Try to pay more attention
And live your life with good intentions

Look into yourself
The one and only
Look into yourself
If you want to find the key
A look into yourself
Release your heart free
Look into yourself
And be the master of your destiny

Look into yourself
Cause there's a rainbow
Look into yourself
There is so much more that you need to know
Cause in yourself
There's serenity
It's all in yourself
You are the master of your destiny

For every doubt you face
In every step you take
For choices that you make
Dreams aren't made to be erased
Just look into yourself..
Look into yourself
The master of your destiny..

It's in yourself

The master of your destiny

It's in yourself..

Photograph: The Charm of Autumn, by Tran Huu Dung (shown in Hanoi’s Hilton Hotel by Mai Gallery).

Sunday, February 11, 2007

12 days to go...

Just imagine them in their underwear!

“It works everytime,” my daugher said, “when you need confidence to make a speech.”

“What else will you think of,” I asked.

“To speak clear and slow”, she said, “I learned all that from the TV.”

It seemed to me that she’s ready to make her history speech in class tomorrow. And I picked up a tip to use next time I speak!

I told her today that I want to be reborn at 50 next week, and that I would be making a trip by myself to celebrate that passage.

And she responded with a smile that in today’s world living up to 100 is becoming normal, so I would just be starting my second half of life.


I smiled too. We don’t know when we will die. My friend Frank Polman died last week from cancer of the esophagus. He was 60.

We come into this life alone, and we are also alone when we leave it. And during all the years in between we keep busy and avoid to think of our death.

Frank died alone in a hospital, with only a hired nurse present. Due to a combination of circumstances, no family or friend was with him when he passed on.

In truth, each of us is unique and alone. And while we create and follow many illusions in our lives, we actually experience the whole universe within ourselves. That’s why we are always connected, there is no need to seek, and there is no cause for loneliness.

Frank left his family and friends a poem that echoed this truth.












Happy Memories

I’d like the memory of me
to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow of
smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo whispering
softly down the ways.
Of happy times and laughing times
and bright sunny days.
I’d like the tears of those who grieve
to dry before the sun
of happy memories that
I leave when life is done.


When someone we like passes on, there is a message for us who are left behind, and a mantle has been passed for us to wear.

The best of life is inside us.

That’s why I need to spend some time alone when I am reborn next week.

Photograph: Color of the Fall, by Tran Huu Dung, shown in Hanoi’s Hilton Hotel by Mai Gallery (top), and Remembering Frank (bottom).



13 days to go...

Many people were kind to me during my trip today from Hanoi to Manila.

The story starts with the lady taxi driver in Hanoi who drove me from the hotel to the airport. As we slowly made our way through streets full of people shopping for the traditional mandarin trees and peach blossoms in preparation for Tet, she shared her story of having a 2-year old daughter.


And with Vietnamese precision, she continued to explain that her home was 230 km from Hanoi, and that she had recently divorced a “no good” husband. Halfway to the airport she started singing along with the traditional Vietnamese tune from the radio. All throughout the trip, she was cheerful, composed, and full of herself.

After that, the Taiwanese man standing with me in the interminable check-in queue. We exchanged talk about our jobs and travels, and we both enjoyed the talk.

Then a senior Chinese colleague from my office who traveled on the same plane and offered me the use of the computer he was browsing in the lounge when mine mysteriously broke down. He said he had just been looking at the news and assumed I had something more important to do on the computer. All done with a gracious smile, with which he has impressed me for years now. He looks like an older Chow Yun Fat to me.

Another office colleague had the seat next to me in the plane, and we were discussing our experiences of influencing change through our jobs. In my case about water, and in hers about regional trade agreements and customs harmonization. She listened intently to the stories I shared and made insightful remarks. I observed how nice it was to be listened to with care, and how I wish to reciprocate that to others.

An yet another colleague on the same flight, a burly man from down-under, took time to share the results of the international conference they had just concluded in Hanoi. He was so pleased with the positive outcome.


At the Long Bar in the Cathay Pacific lounge in Hong Kong, a middle-aged British woman sitting next to me had just completed a long flight from England on the way to Manila and was anxiously trying to get her cellphone to work to contact her husband back home. Just a few nice words brought a big smile to her face. When she finally got through on the phone, her day was made.

On board to Manila, the Cathay Pacific inflight crew did a fantastic job and made us all feel at home on board. The Viet Nam Airlines crew in the morning stretch also made a good effort.

Almost always, I enjoy these travel days. They broaden my horizon, and there are so many people to meet, if I choose to. I also notice contrasts that spark interest. For example, why are the delicious Dan Dan Mien noodles in Cathay Pacific’s Short Bar so difficult to eat because they’re all sticking together? And why have they continued to serve this same dish for ten years now? I hope they continue, though, it’s one of my favorites.

In between meeting these kind people, I enjoyed browsing several books on the plane. Pointing to my sizeable carry-on bag and trolley, my colleague asked “why do you do that?” She obviously traveled light, with only a shoulder purse and some magazines in her hand. Well, I like to carry books with me wherever I travel. I often get new insights and inspiration from reading just a few pages from here and there during flights and waiting times.

Joe Vitale’s Hypnotic Writing which I bought today in Hong Kong made me smile in wonder when I started reading it on the stretch to Manila. Think big, he urges his readers. And he relates the story “about a woman who has 6 children, 35 grand-childrren, 75 great-grandchildren, and 10 great, great-grandchildren – who jumped from an airplane to celebrate her ninety-third birthday. That’s a woman who thinks big.”

My mind was further stretched by browsing Tony Buzan’s Mind Map Book that I bought in Jakarta last week. How fascinating to know that 95% of what we know about the human brain was discovered in the past 10 years! I liked Buzan’s notion of a radiant mind.

I also reflected on a phenomenon of size. While Chek Lap Kok airport terminal is huge, its restrooms are rather small, and they have tiny entrances, just like in the cramped Kai Tak airport before.

This evening, my youngest daughter and I went out for dinner in a Korean restaurant that she fancies, and she shared many stories with enthusiasm and a happy mood.

And my older daughter was kind enough to leave her computer world to spend time chatting about her passions, school events, and plans for the coming days. I learned that Orwell's Animal Farm is still taught at school these days.

What hit me today was to receive kindness from so many smiling people. I will redouble my focus to follow in their steps.


Photographs: My friend Quyen Van Minh playing a straight alto from Julius Keilwerth at his Jazz Club (top), and a Vietnamese painting in the 7th floor club lounge of the Hilton Hotel (bottom).

Saturday, February 10, 2007

14 days to go...

I had a delightful cyclo ride around Hanoi’s Hoan Kiem lake this evening, in a sea of motorbikes – the scene was positively magical.

And I met up with my friend Minh who operates Minh’s Jazz Club. He has pioneered an appreciation of jazz in this city, overcoming adversity from the communist rulers. He was able to send his son on a scholarship to Berklee college, the top music school of the US.


And when Bill Clinton visited Hanoi some years ago, Minh's son was asked to play Summertime for him. Now Minh and his son both teach jazz at Hanoi’s conservatory, and a few years ago they pioneered a Hanoi Jazz Festival.

In yesterday’s post I commented about Viet Nam’s famous culture of celebrating new year, the Tet festival. It is the most important celebration of the year. Every household and office marks it with specially cultivated mandarine / tanngerine trees and peach blossoms.

Today, I was told by a friend over lunch how much she hated Tet. She emphasized the word hated, and explained that many younger people shared her view. She said it’s too much about tradition, obligations, gifts, compulsory food that's boring, and more things she didn't like.

Yet she and her friends in the younger generation could not change Tet customs because their parents living with them would be too shocked.

What an fascinating contrast. And how Asia is changing, and fast, even if some of it it is still under the surface. I am privileged to witness these developments, to be "tuned in" to it because nice Asian people are willing to share their feelings.

I feel like being an observer and a participant at the same time.


Photographs: Minh’s Jazz Club (top) and an amazing sidewalk cappuccino (bottom).

Friday, February 9, 2007

15 days to go...

A superb dinner with great company, fine wine, magnificent parmigiano cheese, and music by Dire Straits and the Buena Vista Social Club.

The dinner hosted by my friend from Australia in his residence overlooking Hanoi’s West Lake was a fitting close to a nice day. And it reminded me how good life is. We shared our life dreams, and agreed that one of the most important ones is to enjoy life every day.

It was a day of constructive work for me, interspersed with nice meals. Lunch at Pane e Vino. Breakfast at my hotel lounge overlooking the historic Hanoi Opera. Meeting several friends and colleagues during the day. Negotiating traffic on several trips through the city, especially the multitude of motorcycles, and the cars and buses who drive like they were motorcycles.

What a bustling city, full of active people, full of culture, full of growth, full of young people, full of motorcycles. I felt lucky to see the sun, and the temperature was fabulous. This is actually the time of the Hanoi winter, which can be bleak, grey, foggy and humid. In stead, the past two days were clear, calm, fresh, and sunny.

Viet Nam is preparing for Tet, the festival to usher in the new year. Decorative trees filled with mandarins are everywhere, together with bushes of stark branches with pink peach blossoms. Gift packages are lined up on pavements outside shops, waiting to be taken and given.

I have to return to Manila on Saturday, but wish I could stay longer in Hanoi to be a participant in their celebrations. New year is about renewal. It’s something I look forward to every day. And I’m getting better at “just doing it”.

Photograph: Memorable dessert (top), and a multitude of motorcycles on the road (bottom).

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

16 days to go...

Vietnamese wisdom holds that if you want to change things, you should take many small steps. At least that is what I was told several years ago. It is possible that this wisdom has itself changed by now.

Change can also be achieved in dramatic style, in one big step. Like the NASA woman astronaut who is reported to have attacked a rival for the charms of the man she liked. Her pictures in court are now in world wide circulation. A sad story, a negative result.

I find it more difficult to think of cases where dramatic change have produced something positive in one big step. Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech? Gandhi’s salt march? Several bloodless revolutions around the world? Such events opened the door for positive changes, but they still required many small steps to deliver on their promise.

I think the Vietnamese were right. Most positive changes seem to be the result of many small steps. And in Hanoi, the positive changes of Vietnamese-style economic development are clear to see. The difference with 1988, when I visited this charming city for the first time, are like night and day. The indomitable efforts of the Vietnamese people, step by step, have clearly paid off.

With pictures of death and destruction continuing to dominate the world news day after day, I find it uplifting to see in this city that humanity could make things better, even when they started out from difficult conditions like here in Viet Nam.

Perhaps it is equally true that when societies focus more attention on violence and problems, these keep multiplying, and produce more of the same.

Focusing on positive change is best. And I think that this is not an artificial way of dealing with life, although many of the authors’ smiles on American self-help books strike me as plastic.


In the Kinokuniya bookstore I visited in Jakarta a few days ago, the self-help books section is named “self enrichment”. I thought that title was just right.

Self enrichment in the positive sense, both personally and in society, seems to be a process of change through many small steps, and I am learning this day by day.

Photograph: Hanoi residents enjoying a break at a sidewalk café.


17 days to go...

I made it to the airport this morning, taking a long detour because the airport expressway was flooded. The detour was flooded too, but only in one location and that was passable without any problem.

My small inconvenience was nothing compared to that of the more than 200,000 people who were temporarily displaced by the floods.

After a smooth flight and a change of planes in Bangkok, I arrived in Hanoi on a calm and fresh evening.

I reflected today on some things that have happened in my life. Why did they happen? I don’t know.


Over the past few years, I have come to see life as a journey. I accept that not all that happens during my journey is explainable.

I feel good sometimes, and uncertain at other times. It's not difficult for me to see my smallness. I will continue my journey, and share good things with others, hopefully more and more.

A friend of mine has chosen a remarkable email addrress: “a small drop of ink”. He shared the origin with me this evening:

"Words are things; and a small drop of ink
Falling like dew upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think."

Lord Byron, poet (1788-1824)


On my journey, I am grateful for every kindness I receive, and for anything I can do for others. I can only see the next steps on my path. I keep walking.

Photograph: On the way to Jakarta’s airport.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

18 days to go...









Isn’t it amazing that there can be too much and too little water at the same time? That is the situation in Jakarta, where streets are flooded and piped freshwater is in short supply. Hence the hotel management’s request.

Tomorrow I am due to leave to travel to Hanoi. I called the hotel concierge this evening and was told that there is still 50 cm of water on the expressway to the airport, but that cars can pass slowly. Hopefully it won’t rain tonight.

I had a productive day writing. I finished two articles for my office newsletter, one press release, and one note with observations from my visit here. I also enjoyed two meetings with senior government colleagues.

I was concerned if there would be enough time to get a tourist visa to Indonesia after my return from Hanoi next week, but I found out today that I am eligible for a visa on arrival when traveling to Bali the week after next. That’s a relief.

And I had some delicious salak (snake fruit) in my room.

Now I am tired but I still have to pack my bags, since I prefer to get up slowly in the morning rather than have to hurry packing.

My life moves forward.

Photograph: Letter from the hotel’s management.

Monday, February 5, 2007

19 days to go...

I enjoyed a shopping and relaxing day with some work in the evening. I found some colorful batik shirts for my upcoming life break in Bali, and also some nice books: Treasures of Bali – a guide to museums in Bali, by Richard Mann; The Best Half of Life – make your second half the best half, by David Niven; and Mind Mapping – kick start your creativity and transform your life, by Tony Buzan.

I also searched the beautiful Kinokuniya bookshop in Plaza Senayan for a Japanese manga book Forbidden Dance, Volume 3, requested by my daughter as a birthday gift for her class mate. Alas, only Volume 4 was available, and she had that one already.

Jakarta had some respite from flooding, but large areas of the city were still affected, and power and telephone outages continued to cause havoc. The hotel where I am staying has filled to capacity with flood “refugees” who escaped their posh but flooded or powerless houses until normalcy returns. And as I write this just past midnight, the rains have started again, which might cause further floods.

I had several good ideas about carrying forward my work, especially to create more knowledge contributions. My writing for work is getting better, and I’ll continue to focus on more writing.


This evening I received news that a friend and colleague had passed away after a year-long battle with cancer of the esophagus. I was sorry I could not join the cremation ceremony. Frank inspired me in many ways, with his humor, music, love of life, and dedication to innovative work. I will miss him.

Now it’s time for a good rest.


Photograph: The elusive manga book (top). Art can be anywhere – inside the new Senayan City mall (middle). Frank playing the cymbalon when I saw him last (bottom).

Sunday, February 4, 2007

20 days to go...

A quiet day of writing.

I picked up Maxwell’s book The 360˚ Leader that I bought last week at Changi airport. It was written for people who are located anywhere except at the top of their organization, and wish to develop their influence all around to bosses, peers, and subordinates. This concept certainly applies to me, and I look forward to learning from the book. Until now, I used to think of this as horizonal leadership, that is, how to be a leader without having authority over others.

As Jakarta struggled to resolve its flooding problems today, including outages of television and some telephone services, I wrote, and wrote, and kept writing. The stories were for my work, but cast in the form of articles that would hopefully attract a readership in this world of information overload. I have decided in these past months to devote much more attention to writing, of any sort. So I relish any writing assignment, even though I still suffer from writer’s block and procrastination.

Now I wonder what to write about… I didn’t experience much today outside my writing. I had nice chats over breakfast and cocktails with my friends / colleagues. Other than that, it was a solitary day except for talking over Skype with my daughters. I’m getting sleepy now, as I write, which is not surprising as it is already almost midnight.

My chat over drinks this evening touched upon future plans. My friend left the organization I work for about eight years ago, and we agreed that transitioning to a new job well before retirement is a healthy thing to do. We both observed that many people who stay in my organization until retirement at 60 are getting stressed and cynical in their final five years before retirement. We agreed it is better to leave before that and follow our passion for work we enjoy.

My Australian friend who returned home yesterday also did this, and he commented how nice it is to devote all his working time to tasks he enjoys doing, without suffering from stress induced by the organization. He has the freedom to choose work he likes, and to manage his own time.

However, I am not yet looking for a quick change. I like the work I do, and I know that I can influence people all around me. And I have enough freedom so far to shift work priorities to allow myself to keep growing. I am truly lucky in this. And at the same time, I am also developing plans for future work outside the organization, and I intend to develop and hone my talents to be able to make a transition in the coming years. It’s nice to keep in touch with positive minded people who have already made a major transition in their midlife period. There’s lots to exchange and encourage each other about. And to laugh at all the self-induced stresses in large organizations like the one I work for.

Photograph: The Chinese new year is coming, and my rebirth at 50 – a celebration of golden bamboo on a bright red background (department store decoration, Plaza Senayan)

Friday, February 2, 2007

21 days to go...

An unsettling day for the people hit by severe floods here in Jakarta. Main thoroughfares were flooded. The expressway to the airport was closed for part of the day. Even foreigners in some posh residential areas were subjected to shoulder-high water inside their houses. My friend was to catch an 8:45 pm flight to Australia and left the hotel at 3 pm. I hope he made his flight.

People were caught in endless traffic jams in flooded areas, while roads in other areas were unusually quiet as people stayed at home. The floods caught a colleague by surprise as he was returning to Jakarta from Honduras with his wife and new-born baby. It took them three hours to reach home after the long flight from the US.

It felt strange not to be affected personally. Roads in my area remained clear and I had several meetings from 10 to 5 in a government office building without any trouble, although one of the directors’ rooms was flooded. Many people still came to work. I heard stories of people being transported out of their housing compounds by boat to catch public transport and make their way to work. While flooding is an annual occurrence in Jakarta, this one was particularly severe.

Stepping into the car and not knowing when you will arrive is disconcerting. As I write, people are still spending hours in traffic jams with hardly any movement. Nature is unpredictable, and man’s folly in uncontrolled construction in the upper catchments of river basins has made the effects worse.
I commiserate with those who have lost their possessions, and with those who are feeling suffocated in endless traffic jams. I wish to share positive energy with them.

Notwithstanding the floods, my working week ended positively. Collaborating as a team, we achieved a good result. In this weekend I look forward to some rest and recreation, and to finish my research article.

Photograph: Happy anytime, anywhere (from the Jakarta Post).